In the fall of 2003 I was pretty lost. I had just been spit on by my recent ex-girlfriend—an emotionally unstable, 10-year-my-senior, ex-stripper with an adolescent child—having finally broken up with her after 5 unsuccessful tries. I was calling myself an actor and model, but would go on a casting or audition once a month… Continue reading Transform Your Life for $550 (or not)
Right now I’m reading the autobiography of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and watching a PBS documentary about the Mormons. Aside from mutual obsessions with the afterlife, you’d probably assume that these two parties have virtually nothing in common. The Swiss doctor, famous for writing “On Death and Dying” lived a free spirit, constantly eschewing conventional female roles,… Continue reading Are You an Individual or a Follower?
Yesterday I wrote a post about Peter the bore. It was essentially a diatribe about his inauthenticity, his desire (and resultant failure) to impress, his lack of interest in those around him, and so on. It was a warning to all the boring people in the world to straighten out and fly right. I was… Continue reading Diary of a Mad White Man: Addendum to Yesterday’s Post
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905 Last night I ran into an acquaintance at a holiday party. I will call him Peter. Peter is tall, muscular and handsome for his age (I’d clock him at 45). He’s… Continue reading Are You a Bore?
Then Big Pete was a rotund twenty-year-old with thinning red hair that reached down to his butt. He sold and consumed copious amounts of cocaine. He drove his Jeep on a suspended drivers license. He gorged nightly on beef jerky shoplifted from 7-Eleven. His roommate, The Captain, owed his name to his affection for Captain… Continue reading What Does the Company You Keep Say About You?
[Read below for my limited time offer of unaccredited idea-coaching! Supply is limited (supply is one actually)] Ideas I've bailed on: Bike racing High school debate team Biking around the world Become a chef Modeling Dramatic acting Comedic acting Stand-up comedy Personal training Starting an ecologically-minded catering company Several girlfriends Mortgage sales (this was a… Continue reading Are You an Idea Junkie?
Five years ago I downloaded an ebook called “Double Your Dating,” by a guy named David DeAngelo, who explained his patented “cocky-funny” technique for picking up women. He said a man should be simultaneously cocky and (you guessed it) funny when approaching women. This state conveys to women carefree confidence. A cocky funny man can… Continue reading On Doing, Being and Picking Up Chicks
My first and last bike race started with a clatter and ended with a whimper. I was fourteen and had entered the Illinois state road championships months before. This would be my first outing on my coveted and crinkled US Cycling Federation category-four license. The race would mark my ascent to cycling greatness. Soon I… Continue reading Killing My Inner Child
The first time I dressed in drag for halloween was in the fifth grade. My mom, exercising the good judgment befitting someone in an alcoholic free-fall, helped me put together my outfit. She lent me a frizzy pink wig, a black halter top, some high heels, pantyhose and to finish the outfit, she sewed me… Continue reading Halloween Special
Arthur “the Fonz” Fonzarelli, was the coolest person to never live. Nothing affected him. He was handy. He knew how to fight. He rode a motorcycle. Men wanted to be him. Women wanted to be with him. Most of my life, on the other hand, has been decidedly un-Fonzie-like. I have historically been hypersensitive, copping… Continue reading Advanced Fonzametrics